Humorous Wedding Speech by the Groom -- Wedding Toasts Roasts Speeches

Humorous Wedding Speech by the Groom Thank you for your kind words, I am very proud to be your son-in-law; I hope I can live up to your expectations. I would sincerely like to thank you for welcoming me into your family, for bringing up such a lovely daughter, and for giving me your blessing to marry her. In addition. due to the number of phone calls between my wife and her mom, the phone company would also like to thank you both. On this date in history in 1889 the Boer War ended, and maybe after my speech you'll think it's started again, although this day will go down in history as the day you all heard the best ever speech. It will be read shortly by one of my best men. It is said that a great speech has a good beginning, a good ending, and most importantly, the two are as close together as possible. (Have a thick wad of paper in hand) Well tough! (Unfold notes, pause, and smile at all tables) That, of course, was a cracker of a speech of my own worked out for you today, but as I am now married, my wife has handed this to me to read instead. (To the father-in-law) By the way, I haven't forgotten, I'll sign that receipt for you (Produce bit of paper with the writing on saying) Received, one daughter in perfect condition, full- guaranteed. Care note: gets bored easily keep busy with constant supply of chores. Comes complete with all extras. (My favorite’s the nurse’s uniform). Not to be outdone though my dad also has a receipt for my wife to sign. It reads: (Again, pull out anothier bit of paper) Received, one son, sold as seen, no refunds under any circumstances. We've redecorated the room and changed the locks so you're stuck with him. Care Notes: dehydrates easily, top up regularly with b... ...ccasion for both my parents who, as well as putting up with me and pointing me in the right direction, have prepared me well, supported me through my life and taught me the difference between right and wrong, so as that I know which I am enjoying at any given time! A Final and big thankyou goes to our bridesmaids who looked lovely and I thank them all for doing such a wonderful job today. (Give them gifts) (Toast bridesmaids) Ladies and Gentlemen, please stand. I would like to propose a toast to the bridesmaids. Well, I could stand here and give you a load more stale old jokes. but instead I think I’ll leave that to one of my best men who has cut his speech by quite a lot so as not to be Tottenham's first case of foot in mouth disease, just remember he's never been one to let the truth get in the way of a good story. Ladies and gentlemen, the best man.